It's Been a While....

Thanks to my wonderful friend, Melissa, from Keeping up with the Rheinlanders....I have not totally forgotten this blog.  I have just been too busy, tired or stressed out to even think of writing in it.  But, I think **knocks on wood** that my life is becoming manageable once again. 

whew.  yay.  thank god.  seriously.  THANK YOU GOD.

What's new with me?  Well.  A LOT.  I am pregnant!!!!!!  with twins!!!!!  The getting pregnant story in itself is great and will be included below for those who like that sort of thing.  The finding out it was twins part was....uummmmm...less great?  ha!  I will be talking about that as well. 

This will be a pretty long post, but I promise to keep it more manageable and updated going forward. 

GETTING PREGNANT

Our December cycle we started injectables.  Well, I guess there isn't much of a "we" about it.  Bry poured me the wine for liquid courage, but I did the shot all on my own.  Luckily Bry captured the moments.  Here you go...

Thanks babe for my glass of wine!

 

Here is my shot!  I can do this!!!

Oh hell no...give me the bottle.  I need the bottle to do this.

I am doing it!

I took a shot every night starting CD3 and get a sonogram every couple of days to track my progress. Once the eggs are big enough, I am supposed to take a shot to force ovulation. As an FYI, these drugs are ridiculously expensive and we only have enough money to try with them twice. So we need to get pregnant in the Dec or Jan cycles.

Well, I went in on the Sunday after Christmas for my sonogram and everything was great. They figured I would be ready Tuesday for my ovulation shot and we would do IUIs the following two days. Well, when I went in on Tuesday, the Dr. saw that I HAD OVULATED ON MY OWN. The problem with that is, we don't know when I ovulated (most likely Monday) and Bry and I didn't have sex at all since Friday.

SO WE MISSED OVULATION!!!! omg. omg. omg. omg. omg.

One of our only two tries down the drain. I was DEVASTATED. I didn't even know you could ovulate on your own during this process. The worst part (TMI coming) is that on Monday (when I was actively ovulating) we were supposed to have sex (must keep fresh sperm in the pipes for the IUIs) but we were both too tired so he just took care of business. WASTED SPERM WHILE OVULATING.  omg.  What a mess.

So Tues, my Dr. canceled our IUIs and told us to hurry home and have sex.  We had tiny pigweed with us and rushed to find a sitter so we could DTD in the middle of the day.  (THANK YOU HEATHER!!!)  need I mention that it was "sooooo romantic"?  lol.  the stuff we all fantasize about for sure.  I will spare you the details.

The days after were terrible.  I was so sure that we had missed ovulation and even the Dr. didn't show any hope.  I was very depressed and really thought we didn't have a chance in hell.  I did NOT live my life like I was making babies.  Those days were filled with way too much wine and junk food and no prenatal vitamins. 

Then, 10 days after the big missed ovulation......I had been peeing all day and my boobs were sore.  huh?  Bry and I and Coop were out to dinner and I decided to pick up a pregnancy a test for the hell of it.  AND HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!  I probably took a gazillion tests just to be sure.  They were all positively pregnant.  So awesome. 

IT'S WHAT???  TWINS????  THERE ARE TWO??????  omg.

Here is the beautiful story of finding out it was twins.  This part is the best.  It is all high emotions and wonder and awesomeness.  I recorded it bc SuperDad was traveling and I wanted him to see the very first ultrasound.  While we had some indication there might be more than one...we didn't REALLY believe it.  Nothing prepares you for seeing two babies.

OK.  Beautiful moment over.  Reality sets in.  TWO BABIES.   Two infants and a toddler.  omg.  TWO BABIES.

                                    

This is a pretty accurate rendition of the racing thoughts once the adorable vision of twins running around abandons you.  It may seem dramatic.  It felt dramatic.  I cried.  I cried several times a day for about 6 weeks.

Our car isn't big enough.  We have to take on a new car payment.  Our house (the one we JUST moved into) is too expensive now that we have to cover three kids' childcare.  we have to move.  AGAIN.  TWO babies breastfeeding?  HOLY SHIT....BRYAN TRAVELS.  A LOT.  omg...We don't have any family here to help us.  I don't have 10 hands!  I will be doing this alone.  Poor Cooper...how am I ever going to be able to give him what he needs while attending to TWO babies???  I won't be able to travel to see my Mom and Roni like I do now bc how can I travel with TWO babies and a toddler by myself?  I will never get to see my family ever again.  Now our family has an odd number.  Who will ride with the odd child on the roller coaster?  How will we ever put three kids through college?  WHAT ABOUT SPACE CAMP?  (for those who know me...I am determined to send my kids to cool summer camps)  Will Coop feel left out with twins running around?  Will people still remember to oggle over him or will they only see the babies?  oh shit....I have to buy more baby stuff.  How will I go grocery shopping?    

ok.....as it turns out....most of those are valid concerns.  except the grocery shopping.  I mean really.  I don't go now!  WHY would I worry about doing it in the future? 

And so slowly, we have been working out all of the logistics of our new family.  We now picture our family with three kids.  Three kids camping, kite festivals, bowling, putt putt....etc.  Bryan no longer blames me for ruining his life by getting pregnant with twins.  I have had some wonderful friends and family (and a great therapist!) who have listened to me while I try to come to terms with our new life. 

And while we are not excited yet.  And while we don't necessarily feel blessed yet.  We don't feel cursed either.  and THAT, my dear, is called progress.